These Phrases from My Dad Which Saved Us during my time as a Brand-New Parent

"I think I was simply in survival mode for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the challenges of fatherhood.

Yet the reality quickly turned out to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her chief support in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every change… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a park bench, that made him realise he required support.

The simple words "You're not in a good spot. You need some help. What can I do to support you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and start recovering.

His story is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While people is now better used to discussing the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges dads face.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his challenges are symptomatic of a broader reluctance to open up amongst men, who continue to absorb negative perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and remains standing with each wave."

"It is not a show of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - especially in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the opportunity to take a pause - taking a few days abroad, outside of the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He realised he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings in addition to the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That realisation has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his parenting choices.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without reliable male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held trauma caused his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "poor actions" when younger to modify how he felt, turning in substance use as a way out from the pain.

"You find your way to substances that are harmful," he notes. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Tips for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are swamped, speak to a friend, your spouse or a therapist how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include going for a run, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical stuff - nutritious food, staying active and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is faring.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the challenges, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men since they confronted their pain, transformed how they communicate, and learned to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my job is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I'm learning as much as you are on this path."